Pleasure isn't cancelled - Some tips for pleasure
The state of the world in this year has undoubtedly left many of us in states of anxiety and uncertainty. These unprecedented times have in many ways put a hold on our daily lives and interactions. Many of us are isolating and have been encouraged to practice social distancing leaving us away from work and social events. This situation is not only leaving us with a whole lot of emotions to process, but a new mass amount of free time on our hands. Whether you’re self isolating or quarantine’ing with a boo, sex/masturbation is something that is being used to help our boredom, to help distract us, and to help manage our stress. There’s a reason baby booms happen during snow storms, people!
While some may feel guilty for thinking about or experiencing pleasure during this global crisis, my humble opinion is that pleasure is more important than ever during times like these. Pleasure can help regulate our nervous system and it's a killer stress reliever. Orgasms reduce stress-hormones and increase feel-good ones. Pleasure can help ground us in our bodies and keep us happily occupied while being stuck at home. While pleasure might feel like the last thing on your mind, it’s important to take care of yourself and high levels of stress only cause harm.
I suggest using this time to find a newfound focus on connecting with yourself sexually. With ample free time, many of us are in the position to spend more time on ourselves. Use that new toy, try out new positions, explore different sensations, and feel good in your body during this time. It's self care and it’s important!
Anxiety and Sex Drive
Anxiety and stress can affect our sexualities on a broad spectrum. Emily Nagoski talks about this in depth in her book “Come as You Are”. According to her book, some people experience a heightened sexual response in times of high stress while others experience a lack of sexual response. Nagoski states that it is all context dependent and affected by a combination of our biology and experiences.
I’m here to tell you that wherever you are on this scale is completely normal and okay. This applies always, but especially now. It’s important to give yourself space to exist and cope with these circumstances without shame or guilt. Pleasure can be an amazing tool in your life right now, or it could be the last helpful thing on your checklist. There is no “normal” sexual response to stress.
Social Distancing and Safe Sex
Social distancing and isolation can have a huge impact on our sex lives. Maybe you’re spending way more time with your partner than you’re used to, maybe you’ve been casually seeing
people and are not able to do so now, maybe you aren’t able to be with your partner for the duration of this, or maybe you’re single and isolating alone! Whatever your situation is, nearly all of us are being affected somehow.
The following are some tips for pleasure during self isolation and social distancing:
Isn’t technology amazing? App-controlled toys allow someone else to control the toy you’re using long distance via bluetooth. Check out our Valentine’s Day Guide to learn more about them!
Good old fashioned phone sex and consensual sexting can be a great way to continue experiencing intimacy at a distance.
Getting off by yourself during this time has a long list of benefits. Besides stress relief, and emotional release it can also help you feel more connected to yourself.
When orgasm or sexual response feels distant but you still crave sensual touch, self massage (or partnered) can be an amazing way to achieve that. Using oils, candles, and music is a great way to enhance a sensual environment.
The everyday hustle and grind often hinders couples from having the time to really deep dive into their sexual relationships. Talk about what you love about your sex life with them, come up with new ideas, and connect about your experiences on an intellectual level. This is my number 1 tip for good sex in couples, btw!
Always been interested in a certain niche of sexuality but never really got into it? Now’s your chance! Try looking up some educational content around these topics. You could also try a book like the one we carry about rope bondage called “How to be Knotty” by Morpheous. Kink, tantra, fetishes, etc are all areas of interest for so many people. Learn about them!
I hope these tips and the above information are helpful for you as we collectively navigate these unknown waters. Stay safe and take care of yourself.
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